"Why do they call it a crush? Because that's how you feel when they don't feel the same way?"

It blows my mind that an intelligent, seemingly mature and independant woman like myself cannot handle a simple 'crush'. Heck, I'm surprised I still get crushes. Isn't there a deadline for that sort of behaviour? A time in your life when you start having real, mature relationships instead of fixating on a person and obsessing about them for a few weeks before losing interest.

And why am I not capable of keeping these things to myself? For about a week I will keep the new feelings to myself, when the second week comes around I am just overflowing with affection that I have to tell one or two important people...after that...all hell breaks loose! I tell anyone who will listen....I use it as a CONVERSATION STARTER for God sakes!

What is wrong with me? Do I just really like the attention? Or do I think that if I put it out there into the 'universe' it might happen? Do I secretly hope that someone will tell the guy? So I don't have to? GAH! Is this why a normal, mature relationship eludes me? Because I still have the maturity of a 12 year old?

I need help. *sigh*