"Why do they call it a crush? Because that's how you feel when they don't feel the same way?"

It blows my mind that an intelligent, seemingly mature and independant woman like myself cannot handle a simple 'crush'. Heck, I'm surprised I still get crushes. Isn't there a deadline for that sort of behaviour? A time in your life when you start having real, mature relationships instead of fixating on a person and obsessing about them for a few weeks before losing interest.

And why am I not capable of keeping these things to myself? For about a week I will keep the new feelings to myself, when the second week comes around I am just overflowing with affection that I have to tell one or two important people...after that...all hell breaks loose! I tell anyone who will listen....I use it as a CONVERSATION STARTER for God sakes!

What is wrong with me? Do I just really like the attention? Or do I think that if I put it out there into the 'universe' it might happen? Do I secretly hope that someone will tell the guy? So I don't have to? GAH! Is this why a normal, mature relationship eludes me? Because I still have the maturity of a 12 year old?

I need help. *sigh*

"And the moon is the only light you see.."

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2539741

Check out...www.playingforchange.com.

P.S. Thanks to my lovely Erin for sending me this video.

"I always believed on the kindness of strangers..."

Today I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. Fuck. However, for once I kept my head about me and didn't panic, call my father and start to cry (partially because my cell phone was in the car with my keys but that is a minor detail). However, I think that the main reason that I didn't freak out is because of the gas station attendants and the locksmith that came to my rescue.

I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes I am a damsel in distress. Every now and then I need the help of another (not neccessarily a man) to get me out of a sticky situation. Every now and then you need to embrace your helplessness and 'believe in the kindness of strangers.'

“All I need is a little love now and then, but some chocolate will do for now.”

I just watched Iron Chef America-the Chocolate edition. Let's just say that I am glad I made a double batch of brownies yesterday.

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are." ~Matt Lauer

“Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.”

"In any relationship in which two people become one, the end result is two half people."

I have never been in a serious relationship. Sometimes I wonder, when and if it happens, how I will be able to deal with it. Right now I cannot fathom how two people spend ALL of their time together. I like being alone and I have no idea how to share absolutley everything with another person. I am afraid that I have been independant for so long that I will never be able to depend on a man in a relationship.

"It is only when we no longer compulsively need someone that we can have a real relationship with them.”

When I hear girls talk about how they don't want work because their boyfriends give them money...it disgusts me. Don't you want to earn your own money? When couples have to do EVERYTHING together, down to the most mundane tasks it scares me because I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that without being totally annoyed by the other person.

"Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade."

“The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.”

I have always been in awe of how easily little kids make new friends. They haven't been hurt yet and therefore they have no reason to mistrust...they just see a new playmate. Someone to play their ridiculous made-up imaginary games with. For instance, when I was a child, I specifically remember that my brother and I used to pretend we were Merpeople in the pool when we were in Florida.



That is another thing that constantly impresses me about little children, their ability to make up the most ridiculous games and play them with such dedication and intensity. The made up rules just roll off of their tongues into existence and they are obeyed like the Bible. It is a truly amazing thing to see children come up with these totally bizarre stories and act them out with such conviction! It makes me so happy to see that children are still using their imaginations, that they haven't been killed by Nintendo DS, xBox and Wii (although...I must admit...I love my Wii).

I worry about children in this day and age...their lives are so different...they are so inundated and influenced by the media and technology that it would be so easy for imagination and make-believe to come second to an afternoon sitting in front of their computer playing the Sims or some Warcraft game.

I really think that we all need go back to that time in our lives where we can make friends with reckless abandon. Sure, these might not be lasting friendships but with every new person that we meet we learn a little something new about ourselves.

"Take time to smell the roses."

Have you ever noticed that certain smells can bring back a flood of memories. Today I opened up a new stick of deodorant (sexy, huh?) and a I felt a rush of memories from my time in Jamaica. I thought of my friends, the kids, my teachers, our living quarters, the food we ate, the conversations we had, the days at camp....all of it was so strong and tangible all of the sudden. I always knew that there is a scientific connection between smell and memory but I couldn't explain it to you if I tried so...off to the Internets for some research!

"Because the olfactory bulb is part of the brain's limbic system, an area so closely associated with memory and feeling it's sometimes called the "emotional brain," smell can call up memories and powerful responses almost instantaneously....Because we encounter most new odors in our youth, smells often call up childhood memories. But we actually begin making associations between smell and emotion before we're even born. Infants who were exposed to alcohol, cigarette smoke or garlic in the womb show a preference for the smells. To them, the smells that might upset other babies seem normal or even comforting."

Thanks to howstuffworks.com!

"Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhoold summer beside a lake in the mountains..."

"This is a story about seven people....picked to live in a house...."

"We are all books that don't match our covers...."

I know that there isn't really 'reality' television anymore but I will always love 'The Real World'.

Surprises are fun!

Everybody loves a good surprise! Over the past few weeks I've been a part of some really great surprises (proposals and secret visits from family) and it made me realize the power of 'the surprise'. I've never been very good at keeping secrets and therefore even worse at pulling off a surprise. My parents could never tell me what they had gotten for each other for Christmas because I would always spill the beans at the....last....minute...."IT'S A WATCH!"

*sigh* I really wish I had someone to surprise me with something.

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our cheif weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise...our two weapons are fear and suprise...and ruthless efficiency...Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatacial devotion to the Pope...Our *four*...no...*Amongst* our weapons...Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise...I'll come in again."